Final Fantasy Tactics is the greatest game ever and all other games suck Part I

Is it the story? Is it the "character development"? No. In fact the majority of my time playing this God-given game was after the main story has taken place, but right before I go to Orbonne Monastery for the final confrontation against Vormav.

How is it that a game where you never actually get to "move" your character, other than placing your characters in different squares during battle still ranks (in my mind) as the greatest game ever?

Firstly, every battle requires at least some level of tactics and skill to win. The stronger you get, the less tactical skill you need, however character skill, level, job class, equipment, etc must be considered carefully when placing a character in a certain place.

But most importantly, what makes this game so incredible and what gives it such a strong replay value is the level of customization it has. How does having a job system give this game a strong level of customization? There are 17 total regular job classes for your characters (not including special characters) and 15 character spaces (16 including Ramza, the main character). This allows for a huge amount of flexibility when designing the party or different parties you want (when in battle, you can only select 5 characters). So you can design multiple parties to cater to specific playing styles. You have have a brute strength party, a mage party and a more tactical party (such as a group of ninjas or mimes) and alternate between each of these types (or any other types you can dream of) at your will. The roles, party structure and abilities are completely up to you. Just because one character belongs to a specific job class doesn't mean they are married to only the abilities of that class. You can assign a second ability set from any other job class, a counter, support ability and movement range. What results is an almost endless array of different character (and party) customization options that really fit well into how the game is played.

I can go on and on about the other entertaining aspects of the game such as the deep and twisting storyline, the fact that the characters have no noses, the character Orlandu as well as a lot more. But I would much rather continue on with explaining why every other game out there sucks.

Any Legend of Zelda game: It continues to elude me why so many people love these games as much as they do. But what eludes me more is the fact that character battle after character battle hosted by GameFAQs (where people vote for which video game character is the strongest), Link wins every time he is allowed to compete. Here it is, once and for all, all Legend of Zelda fans may hate me for this, but this is going to feel too good to say to pass up: Link is a PUSSY. That's right, I said it, a PUSSY. Somehow, Link's androgynous character design, including his girly-looking eyes, pierced, pointed ears and green pajama of a smock jumpsuit give people the impression that he's a badass. Even more so is the wimpy moans he lets out when he falls from high ledges or gets hit by an enemy. Okay, fine. Maybe he looks, acts and sounds like a wuss. But what about his strength? Does his power and strength make up for it? Well if you consider wielding a slingshot, throwing nuts and occasionally unsheathing his poor excuse for a bow (sorry, "Fairy Bow" as its called in Ocarina of Time) or even worse, his wimpy looking "Master Sword" (what a gay name) badass, then yes, maybe it does. But for the rest of us, he sounds like a poor over hyped and overrated version of a woodland gnome.

Any Mario Ga-wait, I'm not done with Link yet. Finally in the most recent game in the series, Link gets the chance to transform into some badass fell creature when he enters into areas of darkness. But what does he turn into? A starving-looking blue-eyed wolf. The anorexic wolf from the movie 300 looks more impressive. Even his not-so-impressive nemesis, Ganondorf transforms into a huge kickass looking boar. At least he looks intimidating, but wolf-Link just looks pathetic. In fact, Link is probably the saddest game hero that could have been created. The day Link could actually take an Omnislash, Renzokuken/Lionheart or, better yet, you guessed it: a Night Sword and still stand, is the day his "HP": those pussy looking hearts will actually turn into something that shows some accomplishment for a fully leveled up character: 9,999 HP. Face it Legend of Zelda fans: Link is the Final Fantasy Tactics equivalent of a Bard with equip sword.

Any Mario Game: How many times does it take to jump on top of giant evil mushrooms and turtles while looking for the good mushrooms before you get bored? Pretty quickly I would say. Any Mario game (especially the old ones) are so redundant that I can't understand why people continue to play the game after the first level. Okay, you ask, but what about the newer games like Mario 64 and Mario Galaxy? Interesting how the second newest core Mario platform game is for Nintendo 64? And no I am not counting hand held games. Hand held games are meant for screaming five year olds to keep them quiet and occupied for a 30 minute car ride. What does it tell you that it takes Nintendo 11 years to create the next game in a series? That Nintendo needed 11 whole years to squeeze out enough creative juices to create a new game that is slightly different from the last. And it isn't really that different from the last anyway. Basically, the only difference is that Mario now runs around on round "planets" rather than flat land. I guess someone at Nintendo finally discovered the theories of Pythagoras and Aristotle. Still,the concept is the same: you are a plumber jumping on or punching turtles and mushrooms and occasionally avoiding big boulders with angry faces in order to kill an even larger turtle who kidnapped a princess. The story and concept has about as much depth as a kindergarten picture book. Taking a game, making it "3D" turning "levels" into actual planets and adding one more move to Mario's arsenal of what is now three basic moves: jumping, punching and kicking does not make a game any better or more revolutionary...just redundant.

Next post I explain why God of War, Metal Gear Solid (the series), Grand Theft Auto (again, the series) and all other Final Fantasy games suck when compared to Final Fantasy Tactics.